My Sock Party

My Sock PartyMy Sock Party

Some time back, I said I was going to have a party when I got divorced and it was going to be a sock party, well, it happened.

The entire premise of this party is based on the Harry Potter series, which I love. I’ve read the series multiple times and find the lessons and values in the series to be wonderful. In summation, you stand up for what you know is right, even when there is danger in your path, even when it’s difficult, even when you may lose friends over it, and even if a strong political type group says otherwise. You do the right thing.

In the series, Dobby is a house elf, essentially a slave. When Lucious Malfoy unknowingly give Dobby a sock, Harry’s doing, Dobby is freed. Dobby was not allowed to wear clothes, proper clothes anyway, as a house elf, read “slave” there, or actually, whatever you feel would be appropriate.

I was in a relationship that was mentally abusive and controlling. I already had problems with depression and low self-esteem, which made me an easy target. Some things happened to me because someone did them to me. Someone wanted to be manipulative and mentally abusive to me, but some things happened to me because I allowed them to happen because of the depression and low self-esteem. If I would have stood up for myself a lot earlier, I wouldn’t have gone through half of what I did, but I didn’t think I was worth it.

I felt trapped, even more so when I was separated and trying to get a divorce because the treatment was worse than it had been before. I felt I was outright being terrorized and was scared to death. For a time, I literally carried my phone and keys with me everywhere, even inside the house, so I could call 911 at the drop of a hat or make a dash out the door and to my car, if I had to.

I identified with Dobby from Harry Potter. I wasn’t physically kept in the situation I was, but I was kept there mentally. It was difficult to get away from that, very difficult, as such, when the divorce was over, I wanted to celebrate the break of that tie. I felt as if I had been freed. I was no longer legally bound to someone who made me feel as if I wasn’t a person. This person no longer knew where I lived. I no longer owed anything to this person, nothing. I no longer had to be scared.

I came up with the idea of a sock party from Dobby’s story. Dobby got a sock; I wanted socks. I have a very nice friend who loves Harry Potter as much, or more, as I do and she organized the party. She has also been there for me throughout the entire divorce. She was one of the first people I told about it and was there during pivotal times. She stayed with me and kept me away from home the entire day my ex was moving out of the house, and outright taking things he shouldn’t, but that’s over now. She helped me move. She even helped me scrape lighthouse wall-paper off of one of the bathroom walls.

My Sock PartyMy friend was nice enough to make reservations at a restaurant I liked and send out invitations for my party. She even made a cake. The cake was a gluten-free Funfetti cake. It’s not easy to find gluten-free cakes.

I had a good group of friends and co-workers show up to celebrate my freedom and they brought socks with them. I ended up with quite a few socks to start my new life out with.

My Sock PartyAs you can see, I got socks of all assortments. I got Doctor Who socks, awesome. I got long socks. I got cat socks. I got pink socks, I got red socks. I even got cactus socks. I’m calling the magenta, grey, and black socks my sexy socks.

A pair of the socks even came with a naughty present and I’m still not sure what that thing is, but it was a good laugh and laughs are appreciated.

I got enough socks to last me near two weeks, obviously, I’m going to have to wait until it cools down to start showing all these socks off. It’s just too hot right now. South Carolina, and the southeast in general, is pretty brutal during the summer.

We had fun. We laughed. They could hear us downstairs, which was awesome. The waitresses wanted to join our party. I admit, it was kind of a nerdy way to celebrate my divorce, but I’m kind of nerdy and I liked the symbolism.

I realize that not everyone would be thrilled about the idea of my celebrating getting divorced, or anyone celebrating getting divorced for that matter. Look here, when you’re in a situation and you feel like you’ve been controlled, terrorized, and abused, celebration is in order when it’s over. I don’t care what type of situation it was, a marriage, a parental house, an imprisonment, a toxic friendship, whatever, if you can breathe a giant sigh of relief when it’s over, it’s worth celebrating even if fundamentalist fuddy-duddies say otherwise.

I’m free now and these are the socks I can wear in my new life.

Take that, Lucious.

Moving Out and Moving On

Yucca bloomsMoving Out and Moving On

I got to see my yucca plants bloom one last time before I moved out of my house. It was a bit sad, but also a relief. Someone finally made an offer on my property, at a bit of a loss, but I took it. I had to get out of the situation and away from my ex. I had to get out of a situation where he had power over me and as long as I was still in my house, as much as I had enjoyed living there, he had power over me, so I had to leave.

I saw the irises, peach trees, yuccas, and apple trees bloom one last time.

Moving was difficult. I couldn’t find a place to go. There was literally nothing to rent. Apartments were getting snapped up like crazy. There were no duplexes for rent. There was nothing. I had nowhere to go. I finally found a place to go, paying more than I wanted to, but it’s a nice place to transition to a new life.

I had some very nice people, and my family, help me move to my new place. Organizing was the first thing in the line of business when I moved.

Organized Spice DrawerOne of the first things I organized was my spice drawer. I used to have spices on my wall. In my old house, before I redid the kitchen walls, I had bars mounted on the wall and my spice jars sat between them. In my new place I have a drawer big enough to hold them. All my spices are in uniformed 4-oz mason jars with the name of what the spice is written on top of each lid with a dry-erase marker. The marker just wipes off so no one lid is doomed to always be one type of spice.

You have to admit that various sized mason jars are just about the handiest thing in the world.

My spices are currently organized alphabetically, makes them easier to find. I also have other spice paraphernalia in the drawer, such as vanilla extract and a nice set of measuring spoons.

KitchenI put some artwork up in the kitchen, which makes my kitchen a bit nicer. I have actually added more artwork than this and at some point I will take photos of everything in its organized state and post it all online.

One thing I have learned from living in this place is that high ceilings are good for displaying artwork. So if you happen to have some nice tall ceilings in your place, put some artwork up there.

The next line of business was my closet. For the first time in my life, EVER, I have a walk-in closet!

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I have organized it with origami shelves, tensions rods and curtain rods. It’s pretty awesome. Tension rods are just wonderful. In my closet tension rods are used in several places.

I have used tension rods to store hats and shoes, but also my head scarves and bandanas. I have used curtain clips to clip each head scarf and bandana. I have used cheap shower curtain clips to store my knit hats as well.

For the scarves, I have used curtain rods through rings. You can go to Wal-mart and buy an entire bag of metal bits, called findings, from the craft section and they’re just good for all sorts of things. I ended up making a chain out of them that I could put curtain rods through, then I put my scarves on the rods and hung the rods/chains from one of my closet shelves.

Having an organized closet is wonderful. The closet was one of the first things I did when I moved in and it’s still that way. Pretty awesome, huh?

There will be more to come on the status of my organizing, but these are the first highlights. I think organizing things has definitely helped me to feel grounded in my life, if that doesn’t sound too cheesy. It helps me make sense of where I’m at in life right now.

I’ve had some awful experiences since I’ve moved out of my old house, but I’ve also had a lot of good experiences. Being able to take charge of my surroundings has really helped. Things are organized how I like them. I don’t have someone else telling me that I can’t decorate how I want to decorate or telling me I cannot organize things a certain way and it’s pretty great.

I’m slowly getting out of the controlled type of mindset that I used to be in. I think I’ve made excellent progress. Control is such a fleeting thing. Things always change in life. I didn’t have control over anything for such a long time. Throughout the entire divorce, I didn’t have control over anything. Nothing went my way, nothing, because my ex called the shots and got things his way and it was just easier to let him have it. Even after the divorce was over, and selling the house, I had some health issues, still do, which I can’t control. I can’t say one way or the other to be well or not be well.

Organizing my new place has helped me feel some sense of control. This is where my clothes go. This is where my spices go. This is where the couch goes, which I totally have. I have an actual couch that I picked out. I decided where to put my bed. My books have a place they live and nobody is complaining about it. I have a studio set up, but that’s another post.

This is my place and things are how I like them. It’s a small piece of the world to have control over, but it’s my domain and that’s what counts.