My Imaginary Boyfriend

My Imaginary BoyfriendMy Imaginary Boyfriend

Last night, I was sleeping, as a person does in the night-time and I had a weird dream. I dreamed that I had a boyfriend. I know it’s so weird that I would have a boyfriend right? Must be a dream. We were like in high school or college or something, and we got along pretty well. We had a class together and I would sit beside him and put my legs on his lap.

One day the teacher assigned seats and I quickly took my legs off of my dream boyfriend and sat up straight. I didn’t get my seat switched, but the teacher made sure to say specifically that we weren’t supposed to put our legs on other people. What is this kindergarten? I can put my legs on my imaginary boyfriend if I want to. Moreover, it’s funny that the teacher specifically mentioned it. Apparently, it was a problem.

Knowing me, it probably was a problem. During the course of my life, I’ve put my legs across some laps.

At this point, imaginary boyfriend has really short hair, almost shaved. It’s darker. He wants me to sing for him and I’m like, “Nah, not that song.” Come to think of it, maybe we were in a chorus class? Or a drama class? It was something laid back.

So imaginary boyfriend and I somehow have a disagreement.

Imaginary boyfriend ends up going to a funeral for someone he knows, I don’t know who. and I decide to go for moral support. It took me a lot of effort to find imaginary boyfriend at this funeral alright. So I get there to give imaginary boyfriend a hug of consolation and he’s like, “No way!”

At this point, imaginary boyfriend has dark curly hair. I guess he grew his hair out.

He says, “I know I probably shouldn’t do this to you…”

I don’t know what he’s doing to be specifically, but I come back with, “Yeah, you shouldn’t.”

Then I walk away in a huff.

So he broke up with me…or I broke up with him? We broke up with each other? I don’t know why imaginary boyfriend was mad at me in the first place.

Holy, heck, even my dreams have to be all dramatized sometimes. I have an imaginary boyfriend, or a dream boyfriend, and he breaks up with me. I don’t even know a guy with dark curly hair.

What in the heck did I do to imaginary boyfriend to cause him to break up with me? Or maybe it was all him. Maybe he was just a dork. Goodness, I don’t know.

If I see a guy with dark curly hair and he asks me out, I’m going to think about this dream and I’m going to be like, “…um, yeah you already broke up with me in a dream and now you’re asking me out?! The nerve!”

At least I sort of recognized that I deserved better. I knew he what was up to with my, “Yeah, you shouldn’t,” comment. If my imaginary boyfriend is going to be all wishy-washy, then maybe I should just go find a different imaginary boyfriend, or maybe just dream about something else, like how the other night I dreamed about how I could fly and I was trying to fly away from dragons and there were single-wide trailers involved and somehow, I found a flying minivan. I’m not on crack, I promise.


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