No one ever said life would be easy, no one. If they did, they were big fat, liar, liar pants on fires–peoples, or whatever. Life isn’t easy. It’s not supposed to be easy. It’s life. If life was easy, we’d call it sleeping or something, but not life. Heck, even sleeping can be difficult.
I’ve had a rough year. There are times when I’ve thought, “If only I didn’t have to do XYZ, my life would be easier.” Now, this sentiment may or may not be true. I don’t really know because I am doing XYZ. This could always be a case of “the grass is greener” and me not doing XYZ would really be horrible. I just don’t know.
Part of life, and being human, is not knowing how exactly two different choices would have played out in your life. You can’t pick everything. You have to pick one thing, possibly two, or three, depending on the situation, but you can’t pick everything. You just can’t know what those other choices might have been. You just can’t know where they might have taken you.
To be completely honest, there have been moments of weakness when I have been going through my divorce that I’ve thought, “Wouldn’t it all just be so much easier if I wasn’t getting divorced?” Granted, these were moments of extreme weakness on my part. I was depressed and felt as if I was at the bottom of a pit because all these bad things kept happening to me and I was lonely.
I had to be my own voice of reason at those points. If things really were the other way around, I would be in a crappy position. I would not be happy. It would not be mentally good for me. It wouldn’t be emotionally good for me. It wouldn’t be financially good for me. None of it would be good for me. The only real advantage I would have would be not being alone, part of the time. I was alone, a lot, in my marriage. I would just be depressed all over again because I was married and hardly ever spent time with my spouse, plus everything else that was going on.
This past year has been one of the most difficult years of my entire life, but difficult doesn’t necessarily mean wrong. Difficult does not equate to bad. It may suck, but sometimes the most difficult choice you could make in a decision is the right choice. It may hurt. It may make you cry. It may make you depressed, but in the end, when that choice has been carried out, you’re better off. You’ve been able to grow as a person and hopefully make yourself better in some way.
Those difficult choices do suck though. Deep down, you may know that it’s right for you to make that choice, but it still hurts and it still stings. That choice can make you feel a full range of doubt despite the fact that you know that choice is right for you. There will be things thrown into your way to muddle up your choice. Those things make it more difficult to keep on with your difficult choice.
Maybe it’s money. Maybe it’s loneliness. Maybe it’s pizza, could be? We all have our weaknesses. There is some little monkey wrench that will get into your plans and will nag at you and make you think that perhaps this difficult choice is the wrong choice, but at the same time, there’s always your personal reassurance that you’re making a good choice.
We can doubt ourselves. We do doubt ourselves, a lot.
We get used to a certain level of comfort and ease in our lives. We get up. We go to work. We come home. We rinse and repeat. When you make a difficult decision, you get up, you go to work, or not, you have to go to a doctor’s office after work, or maybe a lawyer’s office, maybe you don’t go home, maybe you go somewhere else, maybe you have to visit someone out-of-state, maybe you go to a therapist after work, maybe you don’t even have a job, maybe you can’t sleep.
We don’t want to interrupt our “normal” life with difficult choices, but sometimes, we have to. As much as it pains us and inconveniences us to make these decisions, they sometimes just have to be made.
As much as it may suck, just rip the bandage off.