I’ve had another bad week. This one did not involve a car accident or catching a rabbit in the backyard, or having my nice comforter chewed up by the washing machine, but this week did hold other troublesome things for me.
On Sunday, I had a personal incident happen to me that really bummed me out. I didn’t cry about it, but it still made me sad. So as you can understand, my week was already off to a bad start.
At the beginning of the week, I get an email from a gremlin. I get several emails from a gremlin and they’re all about how awful I am. I’m selfish. I’m a liar. I have a personality disorder. I’m lazy. I don’t clean. I don’t cook. I don’t make my own phone calls. I think cats are children. It went on and on and on and on. As you can imagine, having someone say all these awful and very untrue things about you in an already bad week, is very upsetting.
I didn’t eat for over a day. I didn’t feel well all week long. I just felt off and like junk. I worked overtime this week, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It just means I worked more.
Friday I was able to go out with a friend to see a movie and poke around. We went to Trader Joe’s. I was primarily after dark chocolate peanut butter cups, but I wouldn’t have minded had Trader Joe been there. My friend and I were going to shove him in the trunk of the car and take him away. Sadly, Trader Joe was not there, and he’s probably not single to top it off, so the whole thing would have just been really odd had we actually found Trader Joe and absconded with him. I don’t even know if Trader Joe is a real person; he could be a marketing ploy.
We tried World Market next and we did not find the World Market man.
The movie was nice and so was dinner, despite the fact that I almost aspirated myself on a piece of gluten-free bun from Red Robin, but hey, it happens; things go down the wrong tube sometimes.
Saturday, I did chores around the house and absolutely nothing else. I stayed in bed all day. I felt sorry for myself. I caught up on Supernatural and Call the Midwife, but other than that, I did a whole lot of nothing. I was just drained from the week.
Being depressed, takes a lot out of you and I can never just have one bad thing happen to me in a week. It has to be like five bad things.
Some official looking dude: Your great-grandmother is dead.
Official looking dude: I ran over your dog; he’s dead.
Official looking dude: You have a UTI.
Official looking dude: Here’s a big ranty letter from a gremlin.
Official looking dude: Chocolate is extinct.
Me: I’m dead, just kill me now! I’m so miserable. Why do I have to keep living?!
Why can’t it just be one bad thing? Why can’t my normal week be like, “Dude, you’ve got a UTI; here are some antibiotics”? Seems fair, right? That’s just not how it works with me. When it rains, it monsoons. We’re past “pouring” at this point.
Moving on to Sunday, I still felt like a sad sack of junk. I slept for hours and hours and hours. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. When I get in depressed moods, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to go out of the house. I don’t want to talk to my grandparents, whom I love dearly. I just want to hole-up and curl into a ball in bed and stay there.
There were times during this past week, for various reasons as I have mentioned, that I felt like just sitting down and crying. Didn’t matter where I was at, I could have just sat down right there and cried.
Wendy’s cashier: Ma’am here are your fries.
Wendy’s cashier: We really don’t sweep this floor very often, you should probably get up.
I actually didn’t go to Wendy’s all week long. Take that. Too depressed for fries. I freaking love fries. I usually get Wendy’s fries about once a week.
Sunday, despite sleeping for a Rip Van Winkle period of time, I was still bummed out, but not as much. I got a feeling–“Everything is going to be OK.”
Now, the past year of my life has sucked, most of it anyway, there were a few really good points. A lot of bad stuff happened and was done to me last year. It was just not good at all, but at the beginning of all of it, I got a feeling then too, “Everything is going to be OK.”
To me, this has been a personal revelation. Call it what you will–revelation, mind-over-matter, intuition, ESP, the holy ghost, a good lunch…whatever. This feeling has helped me through some tough times over the past years. Wherever this feeling came from, it’s been a blessing. Everything is going to be OK. I have absolutely no idea what that even means, but I know it’s going to be OK.
Today, I was visited by this feeling again. Everything is going to be OK. I may have been going through some very tough times this past year, but things are going to turn out. I don’t know in what shape or form those things will turn out to be, but it’s going to be something that has the ability to make me happy. Maybe I’ll find Trader Joe and we’ll get hitched and he’ll be like, “Baby, you can have all the dark chocolate peanut butter cups you want.”
…then, I would get diabetes, and a tree would fall on my house, and a UFO would crash-land in my backyard–can’t keep things too happy.