Once upon a time, I did not need any sort of mentally related medication. Sure, I had bad days, but I coped with those days. When I separated from my ex, some things that were done that caused me to have straight-up anxiety attacks. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I was crying and shaking and couldn’t stop it.
I was up at three in the morning just sitting there on my bed, crying, and shaking. I had to call my mom. I didn’t know what to do. I had been threatened and bullied to this point and just couldn’t imagine that another person could treat me that way.
I knew I was experiencing anxiety. So one of the things I did, that very week, was go to a cash-only doctor and get her to prescribe me some anxiety medication. She did, but it didn’t seem to help.
Later on, when I was able to get my own insurance, through a court order no less, I was able to go to a doctor I wanted, using insurance, and ask for medicine. I also was prescribed the same medication, which didn’t do much.
I later spoke to my doctor and said that I didn’t necessarily think it was the day-to-day maintenance of anxiety that was getting me, it was the times I was getting stressed out. Those were the times I would shake and cry. The doctor switched my prescription to a different one, but also gave me a pill for those “oh crap” moments when I needed calmed down in a hurry.
I was familiar with the medicine she prescribed because I used to work in a nursing home, although she prescribed me a smaller dose, not the full-out let’s-knock-this-incredibly-strong-little-old-woman-out-because-she’s-biting-us dose.
At first, I didn’t take this pill because I did not have an occasion to take this pill. I took the day-to-day medicine and I was fine, for the most part, but later several situations came up where I needed the “oh crap” pill. These past couple of days have been very hard on me and I have indeed taken my “oh crap” pill.
The “oh crap” pills takes a lot of the worry off of my mind and calms me down. I remember lying in bed worrying the day of the most recent incident, but I was able to talk to myself, in my head, and tell myself, “Look, that’s not how it is. You’re going to be fine.” This is not something I would have been able to do without the “oh crap” pill and daily medicine. If I did not have those medications I would have been more like, “All is lost! I am doomed!” and then crying and shaking would ensue.
The thing is, I’m not a big medicine taker. I don’t like to take prescriptions. I prefer to go an all natural route when possible, but sometimes, I just can’t do that on my own. I can try. I can try a lot and I can try hard, but it just doesn’t happen.
Even with the help of the “oh crap” pill, I’ve still been stressed and depressed, to the point of not eating, but I’m not nearly as stressed out as I could have been. I’ve been able to get up and go to work. Maybe I’ll resume eating some day, but the very fact that I can get up and function is a good thing. I don’t like the idea of taking medicine, but I am glad I have my “oh crap” pill for when I do need a little extra helping coping with life.